Advent: December 9th

Well, we’ve left Mary and Joseph in a precarious situation. Perhaps you feel the tension too?

Mary has had an incredible 3 months.  She has been visited by an angel, received the incredible news that she is going to have a baby even though she is a virgin, been told that this baby is the prophesied Christ, and through it all has had the Holy Spirit “overshadow her”.

Mary has been able to visit her pregnant cousin Elizabeth for these last several months but eventually, it’s clear, she’s going to have to go home.

She still needs to have a very hard conversation with her betrothed.  I’m sure Joseph did not believe her story about the angel.  Who would? Perhaps he thought she was in love with another man? She had been visiting with family for three months and had come back pregnant. He could legally have her drug out into the street, publicly humiliated, and stoned to death, but the scriptures say, “He was unwilling to put her to shame, (and) resolved to divorce her quietly.” This would have dissolved the betrothal to him and possibly allowed her to marry whoever the real father of her child might be.

Marriages in Bible times were much more business than romance, something our modern sensibilities may not understand.

Most Jewish marriages had three stages. The first stage was a legal document called the ketubbah. This was a legally binding document that would help to protect the bride.  Here, the groom and father of the bride would spell out the terms of the marriage. They would negotiate such things as whether a dowry were to be paid to the father of the bride and what sort of ‘bride price’ must be paid in the case of divorce or polygamy(that is, additional marriages that were against the bride or her family’s wishes). There could also be an inventory of the bride’s assets; cash property, or livestock that would later be added to her husband‘s estate when she married him.

Once this document was signed, with or without the knowledge of the bride,  the couple was considered to be 100% legally married. The ketubbah was signed in triplicate and sealed. The synagogue received a copy to keep as public record, with the groom and father of the bride keeping the other two.

A marriage was negotiated and while the desires of the bride were often consulted they were not required.

Marriages were considered the union of families over individuals. This caused people to go to great lengths in marrying within their own clans. It also means a marriage was negotiated between the men of the respective families. The bride’s opinion and desire in the matter were often consulted but the father reserved the right to make whatever choice he felt necessary even against her own wishes.

Contracts were drawn up and signed anywhere from the time the bride was 12-15 years of age. However, the bride was not considered of marrying age until she began her period.  It was very important culturally that their families were fruitful, so men were encouraged to marry early, the usual being 18-20 years of age.

Once the ketubbah was signed the couple was considered to be betrothed, and was legally bound to marry. There was then a waiting period where the couple would essentially get to know each other better in preparation for marriage. This is the point in which we find Mary and Joseph in their relationship.

How does this understanding of the marriage customs of the time change the way you view Joseph and Mary’s betrothal and their relationship to each other?