“Dear Reader…”
As long as I can remember, I have had a great appreciation for beautifully hand written letters. While I can’t boast to sending them often I would bet that you, like me, would also assign a particular charm to receiving such a thoughtful, labor of love. To some, stationary may seem old-fashioned. Letters, sent via the post, a waste of time and resources. “I can email them the same things and they’ll get it instantly.” While hand written letters are not convenient, the added difficulties, to me, are precisely what makes them so special.
In grade school, I was obsessed with the concept of having a REAL-LIFE penpal. I would recruit anyone who was willing to participate; girls from church camp, youth choir, visiting college students, random kids I met at Six Flags(where I learned never to give out my personal information to strangers), and my mother‘s best friend’s daughter who happened to live an hour and a half away.
I often lacked discipline, or was plagued by forgetfulness in the tyranny of the urgent but I can say I always went back to try again because, to me, these exchanges were important…and I did learn a lot from them. Some of what I learned was unexpected.
1. Not everyone is like me…
Even in the presence of black and white print there are obvious lulls to conversation. Incongruencies on interests or beliefs glare harsher than any back woods grammar or impossibly misspelled word.
2. Conflict is unavoidable.
Sadly, even penpal expectations are sometimes not met. Most problems, however, never get their fair shake. Whether that be because one person has left the conversation by refusing to respond, or because the other is careful to ONLY answer the specific questions that are asked of them, problems can ensue. Even before the invention of the Internet people would say things in letters that they would never say to your face, disclose secrets, and most certainly gossip! There’s nothing new under the sun.
3. Distance is hard.
It’s hard to do life together when you’re miles apart. There can be security in a relationship that is not connected to your every day life… but it also makes it hard to do every-day life together. Distance causes us to miss out on physical presence and a practical, helping hand. Additionally, it can delay the accountability and encouragement we need-now!
So much that I learned from my penpals I have needed to apply in my church relationships. There are seasons of great unity, where because we are worshiping in like-mind and Spirit I forget that we will still have God-given differences of opinion and personality. There are times I must remember ‘not everyone is like me.’ We serve such a creative and sovereign God. I am safe even when I am called to lay down my rights in overlooking some small offense.
But we should know that conflict within the body is unavoidable. There are conflicts caused by sin that need to be dealt in judicious and biblical ways, there are also conflicts that will happen naturally for a variety of other benign reasons.
If we can keep showing up in the midst of hardship and work to keep the communication open and respectful we will have a greater probability of resolving the issue. How often do we jump ship prematurely or start to throw down at the slightest sign of tension?
So much more can, and should, be said on resolving conflict in a deliberately biblical and gospel centered way, but, as a means of a foundation, Christians should continually look to God in all of our efforts. Only God can change hearts and minds, only God can adequately direct our paths and give us wisdom on how to proceed. God is the only one whose praise and honor we seek.
If I’m using theses lessons learned from my penpal experiences, I must say, perhaps the most practical of them all is that distance is hard.
There is something special about the physical gathering of believers in worship that I cannot adequately put into words.
The Bible say that, “Where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” Matthew 18:20
The psalmist says,“How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!” Psalm 133:1a
If you are out of the habit of meeting together with your local church, begin again. Find a place where you can worship together with like-minded believers, heal from past hurts, and grow into all righteousness. God’s intentions are not that we be stand-alone Christians, and I believe corporate worship is a mandate from scripture. It is beneficial to connect with other believers you can do real life with. You will be encouraged and grow in ways you couldn’t have if you were alone.
“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Hebrews10:24-25
Perhaps writing letters is not your thing, it’s ok if, to you, it seems antiquated or laborious. Maybe you can’t help but hear the words of Little Women, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, or your bosom buddy, Anne from Green Gables as you write. Whatever the case is for you, let us love each other well, in word and deed, and seek to do {well} all that God has ordained for us, making much of God in our worship as well as the everyday ways we live our lives.
