The Parenting Crucible
“Is he a good baby?”
I know I’ve asked it myself…and yet, I can’t help but give a little moue these days when I hear it. “Good?…Aren’t all babies GOOD babies?” Before you accuse me of being pedantic let me explain-
I find it interesting that instead of asking me specifics like if my baby sleeps through the night, is colicky, or easy going, I am more often asked if he is “good.”
When did we as a society begin to characterize completely dependent children as “good” or “bad”? Are we not in some small way unconsciously ascribing motive? Are we not making a value statement as to the kind of children we want? At the very least, is it not a little selfish to praise the child that is easy to raise?
Again, this seems like a nit picky-kind of soapbox but we live in a world where it takes almost nothing for a woman to terminate the life of her unborn child. So, it could do us some good to examine this common pattern of speech.
The fact is, there is a growing lack of regard for the sanctity of life. As a whole our society has gradually slipped into an anti-biblical idea that children are a nuisance and not the blessings they are meant to be.
Let me just say, while it can be a good thing to plan and prepare when it comes to starting and growing your own family-poor circumstances should never be the impetus for ending a life.
Even many Christians believe they must wait until the timing is perfect to have children. They wait until they can see financial abundance, they worry about careers, ability, support, and family stability.
Becoming a parent can be scary and the stressors listed are legitimate concerns with real consequences.
However, as Christians, I believe we are called to think on this matter in a completely different way.
Children are GIFTS from God! The difficult or needy child, the one whose disability is severe, whose behavior is challenging, or ability lacking–all are precious and valuable.
Likewise, children born in hard times, in the middle of need, where there is no support or stability are no-less wonderful and no-less ordained. God has placed them where they are at that very time for a reason.
Psalm 8:3-5 (NIV)
When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
human beings that you care for them?
You have made them a little lower than the angels
and crowned them with glory and honor.
This can be very hard for us to understand especially when the cost is high but with faith it is something we can accept and appreciate.
Having children is never convenient. My husband and I have felt this in our own lives. We were the stunned married couple who left college with unfinished degrees and returned home to “scrape by” for a season after the birth of our firstborn. Was it hard? You better believe it. Do I wish our firstborn away? Never. We were neither financially ready nor,*gasp* “mature enough” to have a baby and I’d venture to say that all parents almost never are. (Then again, perhaps I think this for my own benefit.)
Parenting is the training ground and crucible where you grow into the person that your child needs. It’s an apprenticeship of sorts with God as the Master Carpenter.
Becoming a parent won’t automatically make you a better person. But parenting under the submission of Christ will produce a greater selflessness than you can imagine. So, if your desire is to have children, but you feel as though there is a long list of prerequisites before you can proceed, be encouraged. That’s not how parenting works.
The majority of our parents did not wait until the opportune time. When it happened they simply embraced it and did what they could. It is the hard circumstances we would never volunteer for that impact us the most. Somehow each of them made it through their “hard”. You’ve likely heard about them. They are the couples with great, hair raising stories and the best sense of humor. Life may have smacked them clean across the face and knocked them to the ground, but since they didn’t want to cry in front of their kids, they learned to stand and laugh. Children are that kind of a gift, and they keep on giving. Children are part and parcel of providing companionship and help to parents in their old age.
When you look at your child now, they might not be your mini-me, you might be so different you have trouble relating, or so similar you repel. But it’s all in the parenting curriculum. It’s all wrapped up in relationship, the working through of each difficulty, the discipline and transfer of values, the cultivation of a soul.
Over time you will inevitably become a more complete and caring individual because you will have had more opportunity to place another’s needs and desires before your own. It may seem like your kids are your whole life right now. It’s likely you’re their whole world if they are young, but as they grow into adulthood they will become more independent.
Regardless of their age, if wisdom rings true; for as much as you teach them, they will have grown you.
Seen first on the PriorityNow blog:
https://prioritynowblog.com/2024/03/12/the-parenting-crucible/
